How Mommy Wine Culture Nearly Destroyed This High-Functioning Mom

Ashley Jo was a high-level executive, a devoted single mom of two, and by every outward measure, she was thriving. Behind closed doors, she was drinking a box of wine alone on the couch after putting her kids to bed, silently drowning in shame, and wondering if she would survive the night. Her story is a powerful reminder that mommy wine culture is not a harmless trend. It is a carefully marketed lie that gives women permission to self-medicate while the people around them have no idea anything is wrong.

Mommy wine culture refers to the normalization of heavy alcohol consumption among mothers, fueled by merchandise, social media, and marketing that frames drinking as a reward for the hard work of parenting. On the Sober Motivation Podcast, Ashley Joe shared the full arc of her journey: from childhood anxiety and cutting, to losing a son, to years of secret binge drinking, to suicidal ideation, and finally to lasting sobriety. This is the story of how she found her way back.

Growing Up in a "Sweep It Under the Rug" Culture

Ashley grew up in a Christian family in small-town Iowa with three sisters and loving parents. On the surface, her childhood was stable and happy. But there was an unspoken rule embedded in her community: if no one can see the problem, the problem does not exist.

"In my community, on Sundays, people would be washing their car in their garage with the garage door closed with just a crack out and you see all the water coming out. If you can't see it, it's not happening."

That mindset shaped everything. As a teenager, Ashley struggled with severe anxiety that she coped with through cutting. When her parents discovered it, they were not equipped to handle it. They told her if she did it again they would have to send her somewhere, and then the subject was never raised again.

Ashley learned to hide better. She kept cutting, kept struggling, and kept silent. That pattern of concealing pain became the blueprint she carried into adulthood, relationships, and eventually her relationship with alcohol.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Hy--BE76GOQ

A First Drink That Changed Everything

Ashley never touched alcohol in high school. She was the self-described "goody two shoes" who judged friends who drank. That changed on a single night in college at the University of Sioux Falls, a Christian school in South Dakota.

After a church event, she was invited to a party. Feeling anxious and out of place, she picked up a drink that was sitting on the counter. It was not meant for her. It had been drugged.

"Christian girl from small-town Iowa, very first time drinking just out of the nest and leaving mom and dad for the first time, lose my virginity that night and don't even remember it."

The shame spiral that followed was devastating. Ashley had saved herself for marriage, followed every rule she was taught, and in one night felt like all of it was destroyed. Rather than processing the trauma, she did what she had always been taught: she buried it and never spoke about it. And she kept drinking, because alcohol was the only thing that could make the memories disappear.

Marriage, Loss, and Learning to Survive on Empty

Ashley's life accelerated fast. She was pregnant at 21, married to a man she discovered was a recovering heroin addict who had relapsed on prescription painkillers just days before their wedding. By 23, she had two children, a husband in early recovery, and a son diagnosed with a terminal genetic disease.

Her son Case was diagnosed at five months old. Her husband Ryan was only ten months sober when the diagnosis came. When Case passed away, Ryan was fifteen months sober.

At 23 years old, Ashley was grieving the death of her child, caring for a toddler, and supporting a husband in early sobriety. She did not drink during this period. She did not have time to think about it. Every ounce of her energy went to keeping the people around her alive and okay.

But in pouring everything into everyone else, she poured nothing into herself. That emptiness would eventually need to be filled.

How One Glass of Wine Becomes a Box

After her marriage fell apart, Ashley became a single mom with two kids and a demanding executive career. That is when mommy wine culture found her.

"I work my butt off. I'm an executive by day. I take care of these kids. At the end of the day, I deserve a glass of wine. And so I have the glass of wine, and then it turns into two, and then it turns into three, and then it turns into, over the course of years, it turns into a box of wine."

Ashley owned the merchandise. She had a shirt that said "I love wine and country music." She had a mug that read "Shhh, there's wine in here" and she took it, filled with wine, to the movie theater in the middle of the day while her kids were at school.

The marketing message was everywhere, reinforcing a single idea: you deserve this. You need a break. This is not a problem. And for Ashley, that message became permission to drink more and more.

The transition from "fun" to "completely and utterly unmanageable" did not happen overnight. It happened gradually, over years, until she found herself consumed by self-hatred and experiencing what she described as extreme suicidal ideation.

The Dangerous Game of Comparing Your Drinking to Others

One of the most powerful traps that kept Ashley stuck was comparing her drinking to someone else's. Her ex-husband was an alcoholic who could not go a single day without drinking. Ashley could go three to five days. So she told herself she was fine.

"I kept telling myself, Ashley, you don't have a problem. You're nothing like Ryan. You absolutely are in control of this. Look at how much better you are than him."

This cycle repeated for years. She would binge for three to five days, white-knuckle her way through a few sober days, feel better, convince herself she was in control, and then start again. The internal dialogue was relentless: one voice telling her she had a serious problem, and another insisting she was fine because she was not as bad as someone else.

This is one of the most common patterns in high-functioning alcoholism. There will always be someone who drinks more than you. That comparison becomes the only justification needed to keep going. As Ashley put it, it is the wrong bar to compare yourself to, but it is the one that keeps the hamster wheel spinning.

High-Functioning Alcoholism: When Success Hides the Struggle

Ashley was a high-level executive throughout her entire addiction. She worked remotely before remote work was common. She showed up for meetings at 7:00 AM after drinking all night. She maintained her career, her responsibilities, and her public image.

High-functioning alcoholism is a pattern in which a person maintains external markers of success, such as career performance, parenting responsibilities, and social appearances, while privately struggling with alcohol dependence and deteriorating mental health.

"People think that addiction or alcoholism means you're jobless, you're losing jobs, you're not being responsible. I was still showing up. I was still, by all intents and purposes, successful. But I'm dying inside."

The paycheck, the promotions, the kids getting to school on time: none of it meant anything because Ashley hated herself every moment of every day. The functional exterior became another layer of the mask, another reason to tell herself the problem was not real.

She did most of her drinking alone at home after the kids went to bed. Thursday night TV shows and a glass of wine that was never just one glass. Nobody saw it. Nobody checked. And the secrecy allowed the problem to grow unchecked for years.

The Night That Almost Ended Everything

A few months before her sobriety date, Ashley reached her lowest point. She bought two six-packs of Bud Light Platinum, went into her garage, started her vehicle, and drank all twelve until she passed out.

She woke up alive.

"The first voice I heard in my head was, you are such a failure, you can't even do that. But the very next voice I heard was, you are here for a reason."

From that day forward, Ashley began looking for the reason she was still alive. Over the following weeks, something shifted. She saw that the reason was her children, her own life, and the belief that there was a bigger plan for her than the path she was on.

On August 13, 2020, she enrolled in an online intensive outpatient treatment program. She reached out to someone she respected in a sober community and asked for help. That was her Day One.

What Changed: Building a Life Worth Staying Sober For

Early in her program, Ashley was asked to write her own eulogy as if she had died from addiction. Later, she wrote a second version as if she had lived a long, healthy life. Seeing those two paths side by side opened her eyes to the power of her own choices.

She rebuilt everything. She began waking up at 5:20 AM to walk, pray, meditate, and spend time alone before her kids woke up. She started weekly therapy. She exercised three hours a day during her first 90 days of sobriety because she needed the distraction.

Somewhere along the way, the distraction turned into a routine. The routine turned into a life she actually loved. She stopped dreading the next morning. She learned to forgive herself.

After her first 90 days, the desire to drink was removed entirely. Ashley credits continued therapy, daily routines, faith, and a willingness to keep showing up and doing the work.

How to Forgive Yourself After Addiction

Self-forgiveness was one of the hardest parts of Ashley's recovery. The breakthrough came through an unexpected exercise: writing her life story and reading it as if it belonged to someone else.

"I realized reading my own story, if I were anybody else reading this, I would give grace to that person. And so if that's how I was thinking, reading it with an outsider's perspective, then I deserved that grace myself."

She saw a young woman who had lost a son, married someone in active addiction, survived a paternity scandal, and made decisions while never having been given the tools to cope with grief. She was surviving in a dysfunctional way, but she had survived.

That writing eventually became her memoir, "Tides of Grief, Waves of Grace: A Memoir of Scandal, Sobriety, Heartbreak, and Healing." Publishing it was terrifying. She hit the publish button and immediately ran to her husband asking if she could take it back. But the response was overwhelmingly gracious.

Ashley believes shame is the spark behind most addiction. The antidote is not perfection. It is grace: the willingness to accept it from others and, more importantly, to give it to yourself.

One Day at a Time Is More Than a Cliche

If Ashley had been told on August 12, 2020, what her life would look like today, she would have thought it was impossible. She was not sure she would even be alive in five years.

That is the message she wants to leave with anyone who is struggling: your life can look completely different two days from now. Not because everything gets fixed overnight, but because one decision to choose differently can set everything in motion.

"There's a reason the cliche saying 'one day at a time' exists. Don't get overwhelmed by your future. Think of today. Make the right choice today."

Ashley Joe's book, "Tides of Grief, Waves of Grace," is available on Amazon and at ThisIsAshleyJo.com. You can also find her on Instagram at @ThisisAshleyJo.

Frequently Asked Questions

What is mommy wine culture?

Mommy wine culture is the social normalization of alcohol consumption among mothers, promoted through merchandise, memes, and marketing that frames drinking as a deserved reward for the stress of parenting. While it may seem harmless, it can mask problematic drinking patterns and delay women from recognizing they need help.

What are the signs of high-functioning alcoholism?

High-functioning alcoholism occurs when someone maintains external success (career, parenting, social life) while privately dependent on alcohol. Signs include planning your day around when you can drink, being unable to stop at one or two drinks, using alcohol to silence negative self-talk, and hiding how much you consume from others.

How do you forgive yourself after addiction?

Self-forgiveness in recovery often requires seeing your own story with the compassion you would give a stranger. Ashley Joe found healing by writing her life story and reading it from an outsider's perspective. Recognizing that you were doing the best you could with the tools you had can be a powerful step toward granting yourself grace.

Can you be an alcoholic if you can go days without drinking?

Yes. Many people with alcohol use disorder can abstain for days at a time, which makes it harder to recognize the problem. Ashley Jo went three to five days without drinking regularly, but when she did drink, she could not stop. The ability to take breaks does not mean the relationship with alcohol is healthy.

How does grief lead to alcohol addiction?

Unprocessed grief can create emotional pain that people attempt to manage through alcohol. Without tools like therapy, community support, or healthy coping strategies, alcohol becomes the default method for silencing overwhelming feelings. Over time, the drinking creates its own cycle of shame and pain, deepening the dependence.